One month plus in this new space and Huaihao is learning to appreciate the space like we do. Starting from the sunrise and sunset moments.
I believe these moments will inculcate this love for the sun or, nature. Everyday at sunset, we get the chance to see a display of nature’s finest
So mundane , yet so extraordinary, what an inspiration.
Huaihao is great with his hands and loved to work on crafts , sometimes it was Lego, then origami, and he did also belts and shields. Sometimes I would ask him for help to prepare dinner and he would gladly do as he’s too fast with work and would get bored asking for things to do
One day, Huaihao did not want to head to school and said that he had a tummy ache. He’s not wanting to go to school today had me thinking
He didn’t want school because he didn’t know how to react to his classmates who commented that he was funny at presenting . Nor did he know how to say no to his friends who wanted his book
I spoke to him with much force until I was shaking inside. I didn’t know too- so why did I judge my kid for avoiding? I couldn’t have done otherwiseAnd that was a learning lesson for me
As I spoke to HuaiHao and tried to sort things out for him. I sorted out myself
I told huaihao –
-that if he cannot manage then ask teacher or a higher authority for help
-that we do not have to mind others voices and just go on doing what we are best at, it’s too silly to be stopped by others unfounded comments
-that if others cannot see what we see, it is because they are seeing things from their point of view and are not at the same levels with us
So we will continue to be grounded and to do what we want and what we are best at
I almost cried saying these things
It’s not for HuaiHao but for me my good self
How many times have I allowed myself to be stopped and to give power to others’ thoughts and putting others before myself?
How many things have I lowered myself and felt lowly of myself even if I was so good at things I do even if I were the best
That day at bedtime, I asked HuaiHao what is his dream and I told him what is mine
I want to do a Netflix chefs table series on Chinese or simply chefs in the Asian region
I want to see my name in the credit list
I want to interview the chefs by myself
I want to go do stories that touch people to tears and inspired them to change- like how I have myself
I think in doing this, I heal creatively
using my own way and also inspired healing in others
On weekends, we walked.
Most times, we walked to MBS. But first, warming up!
Then the kids will have breakfast or brunch. They fell in love with a quaint japanese cafe and its fish burgers and fries. On another week, we headed to Meidi Ya for bento sets. But had to dine out in the open following the rules sets by the government. Dining out holding on to food isn’t something the kids were exposed to, so I m sure they will remember this for a long time to come.
We had fun walking , another time towards Jewel and had Shake Shack in Jewel.
The next morning, we walked towards MBS but facing impending rain, ran away. In the rain, Huaihao prayed for the rain to stop. I reminded him that we used to put our hands out in the rain to feel the rain. And we did. Then he sang, “rain rain go away, come again another day, little huaihao wants to play, rain rain go away.”
On national day, we headed out early and walked to MBS, its a routine that the kids have gotten accustomed to and this time they won daddy’s challenge and got for themselves an açai on their own.
We then picking out bento sets at Meidi Ya and continued with a virtual reality game, before finding a bike and heading back to the marina area, taking away Putien and dining out in the open with millipedes, centipedes and ants, while watching the F15 fighter jets fly past and the fireworks display. We saw the full moon too!
Every week, we will make it a point to head over to Grandpa’s and Ah Yi’s for dinner, we always ordered food in and Huaihao and Qinzhi would have some time with grandpa and yiyi. Its extremely precious these times. And they were always in for treats because yiyi always had the great food delivered to her and the kids would have the opportunity to try.
Other times , popo and ah yi would cook and get grandpa to deliver food to us. I told the kids about how my mom loved ah hui ayi’s curry and now i would slurp up every inch of the curry ah yi cooks. Its precious food that would make me tear up simply tasting it. Hitting you right at heart/ Like this ah yi cooked this afternoon for us, a dish of braised pork. She knows Hao loves pigeon eggs but couldn’t get them after many times.
Huaihao loves durians too and I’ll get the cleanest ones I can get, from a biodynamic farm in Malaysia.
Bedtime with Huaihao.
We talked about the Netflix documentary Tales of Light, in which we saw child labour in India and the full brunt of it, children in sweatshops living precariously, children being abandoned, children making balloons—a thing of joy but they themselves having to exchange their health for these things having to bear with the toxic fumes.
We talked about why we are born here and now, and some others are born elsewhere. And I offered one explanation of thought—karma.
Gave Huaihao a few examples and he concluded, “You are who you are today because of your actions of yesterday.”
Wow.
Yesterday Huaihao took time to massage me. He gave me a shoulder massage for about 40 minutes and we spoke. I asked him how does he feel when mommy is tired, and he says, “sad”
I tried to massage his legs while he is massaging my shoulders and he takes my hands off and says, “just relax”. I asked him to stop after a while, or his hands might feel tired and he says, “its ok and it doesn’t even compare to what i do for me” and “its ok, anything that can make you feel better, just relax”
And then the machine calls for me and the kids help me out. I feel really blessed then. And Huaihao packs the sofa and the dining area and dries the kitchen top.
He says, “anything that can help mommy.”
That is battery , that gave me the realisation and almost, its a discovery—-because it opened my mind again, that whatever was past never should be in the present.
Huaihao gave me the courage to acknowledge this and to carry this out.
HuaiHao did raindrop for me this afternoon and I slept like a baby. It has been a week since and 5 days worth of it. After the session, i would nap. I said thank you to him many times and he said that if its good for mommy he would do it. At bedtime we were talking about me and sometimes low energy tired body, and I asked him what I can do, he said to me :” I will do raindrop!”
On another day, he said at bedtime to me: I don’t like you but I love you
If anything , its how grown up Huaihao is now.
In another bedtime conversation with HuaiHao. I told him that I want to sleep every night on a clean slate and he says yes
“And there’s no storm hiding the clouds” , he added.
Exactly so
I m not sure if they will but maybe the kids will remember this season of Covid, where we are not allowed to dine in and have to take away and find spots for eating.
HuaiHao broke the crystal Mr Ng gave to me accidentally.
I was very sad and explained to him my connection with Mr Ng. The one who listened to me with his fill presence like no other will. Who did not heal me yet helped me heal myself and taught me the most about healing.
I told HuaiHao about this all and couldn’t help breaking out in tears. He too. He apologized to me and kissed me and said softly : I m sorry mommy. I really am.
I asked him what was in his mind after listening to me tell him this story. He said: “ sad. Because it’s like—— I broke your heart.”
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