I took a walk by myself even if I was tired out.

I just wanted to be with myself and to be with my feelings of fatigue.

In the hot sun, under an umbrella, my pace slowed down and down. I was walking like a snail.

I tried to pick up speed but my body stopped me from doing so

That was what my body wanted- to slow down

It was then, so subtly, that I realized , I haven’t been listening to my body

I was feeling the chase, my mind had in helming my life for so long. And it kept my adrenaline going rushing speeding

Forever chasing and pushing forward

But my body was trying so hard to meet that speed

They were not in sync

And that was probably why I felt so tired out this two weeks

As I walked, I felt my heart sink

There was something I feel sad about, but I just couldn’t pin point

There’s something that is stopping me and I just couldn’t say what it was

About a week ago, bf picked a TRE and gong class. We went not knowing what TRE is

And I have to say, life or the universe has a hand in everything

TRE stands for tension and trauma release

You are invited to lie down in a butterfly pose and this pose triggers tension release

The movements came on in the hip and lower back area and it progressed so much and got so heightened I could do nothing but just focus and observe the shakes

My tears start flowing gently

The shaking got vigorous and became huge

I close my butterfly and let myself rest my feel on the ground but even so the shaking was still so strong in my pelvic area

The teacher says that to release stress, you have to touch it

TRE is like an induced panic attack but without the fear and emotional upheavals

The days after

I feel myself go into a progressive low

I was completely thrown off balance

I was shaky inside

I couldn’t breathe

I had to gasp for air

I felt myself swirling and not grounded

Totally zapped of energy and shaken

Shattered

Broken into pieces

It was so hard I hear myself crying out

Mr Ng where are you

Guru Rinpoche, help!

Dear God, help!

I prayed and asked these enlightened masters for support and healing

But also so, I felt everything in a flux in my body and I was trying my best to have awareness

I understand that my body my cells are realigning themselves to my new intention

In the shackles in the broken

I sense the rebuilding processing, but by bit step by step

Slowly but surely

HuaiHao gave me a massage and lots of hugs

He was massaging me at my shoulders saying there something here (at my upper back) and he rubbed it

I cough and felt like vomiting

The coughing was done and soon after I felt visibly better

Then I asked HuaiHao to massage me

He used valor and wrote I love you v much mommy on my back and worked it up and down my spine

Thankful beyond words, HuaiHao saved me again

In my walk

I just took time to slow down to be with myself to understand what was it that was troubling me

I was going too too fast

“Just be with me “ I heard my body say

Just be

It wasn’t easy

It’s almost frightening being that slow

I was second guessing myself

But I literally felt my body slowing me down

Subdued

That was my body trying to balance things

And I still felt my mind wanting to speed chasing me

There are so many things waiting for me to be done

Can I afford to slow

What’s the next thing?

I looked at the road ahead

Beautiful and I m with me

How important is this!

A few questions came to mind

What makes food beautiful?

And I think it’s the feeing of being touched or moved

It’s easy for chefs to do something flavorful and delicious

But how easy is it for chefs to do food that moves you?

When you are moved , that dish doesn’t past you by

I m approaching the temple

I looked up at the sky and the sun was passing through the leaves

Beautiful and magical

It’s okay to slow down

Receive the light

May I get all the light my body needs

And I heard myself say

I want to be my authentic self and my light

I heard myself ask- what makes a person attractive?

Like John , angel of humble food and Angie—- they are attractive and exude an aura because they live their truth

Nothing more and nothing less

And now I have the opportunity to live my truth

Each day each moment

I want to work hard to live my truth and be who I m

Whether it is what I eat

How I live

My beliefs and values

I want to be conscious and mindful and be unapologetically me

What I like. For example, I want to film the winemakers myself I want want want want WANT

And looking back

These 2 weeks have been a shattering of the old for me to arrive at this point to build me

My brand

What I stand for

My truth

My light

I want to shine bright

Go TPY

You are on the right path

The next day on a Saturday walk-run with Qinzhi and Huaihao.

I remembered the note I read the day before, to realign the body and cells with words and intention

As I walked the path ahead, i summon my body and my cells to walk with me out of tired fatigue fear and lows out of the old and into the new healthfulness, vitality, radiance, joy, longevity, peacefulness. I know I can do this.

Every step and every day ahead, is to be celebrated.

15 April

I saw this and understand what I have been through after that TRE session.

Everything in me is building up and realigning to my wishes and intention