It was an amazing connection.

Yin asked if I wanted to make an offering to Bhante and Sister. It was a rainy morning but I managed to get Qinzhi and Huaihao’s buy in, and so we went.

Entering Bhante’s abode was like going into a place of calm and clean. The children washed the apples and prepared the food for Bhante. We rejoiced at the table together and Bhante prayed. It was a beautiful experience.

Then we went on to Sister’s

I told Yin in the kitchen, that I think I want to get a buddha and have it in my new house. Yin asked me to seek advice from sister and I didn’t, because I was not sure,

She was in white. I didn’t really know who she was. But this motherly figure touched me. She asked if I have a buddha image or statue at home and said that perhaps I should consider having one. For myself to concentrate on, to ground myself so that I can handle me and my kids better. Otherwise, the kids are taking energy off me.

She saw how I and the kids were responding to each other and pulled me to one side.

She says that the kids have very high ego and that is why I have to change the way I speak to them, to rally them on rather than to tell them what to do.

She says that I should speak less to conserve myself. If anything, she says that I should metta every day for at least 30minutes, because when I send and wish someone well, I get energised as well.

And suddenly it opened up the gate of fatigue. The tiredness the exhaustion flowed out so much, I couldn’t hold myself. It was like I was breaking up and my heart could not carry on.

I prayed with the kids with me on the train.

That Avalokitesvhara, Guru Rinpoche, and Medicine Buddha—–instills all the energy, all the life force all the vitality and protection and healing that I need to keep myself and my kids safe until we are home. And miraculously I felt better.

I told Yin how thankful I was to meet Sister and to get her advice and told her about testing out the healing in the divine. She replied “It always works”

This was a magical experience, very precious and sacred. The divine is speaking thru this lady in white to me. And I am very blessed to experience it.

She made me aware that I haven’t been aware of myself amidst the busying. She made me aware that I have been suppressing myself and not taking care of me and my body.

And she opened up the gate of fatigue which I have been ignoring and not mindful of.

So So So tired, anytime it felt like I could drop dead.

On another occasion, after work, I was so tired out, I felt my face and limbs numb and it felt as if I was going to have another panic attack.

A few other times, I had the sensation of swirling.

One on occasion, I felt that my brain or my heart is slowing down. These has translated into slower moving actions as I moved my legs, they were not really listening to me, I found a lag and the limbs become less agile.

Yesterday I was sitting in front of the computer and my heart fluttered.

I went to bed but was so tired out I couldn’t sleep. I felt I was stopping. The heart was beating its best to keep my going and trying to tell me something.

Just what?

A thought came that perhaps Mom felt so tired too she couldn’t take it anymore and she’s just let go. Was this stated of exhaustion what Mom felt?

She gave of herself too much.

To others but herself.

I felt so much fear in my heart it felt like a sting of sorts. It hung somewhere above me just not in with me.

I think I have over exerted myself , whether at work giving my all , contributing my life force and spirit and taking it as if it were my own. And at home, dealing with the kids. Or helping others on their healing journey.

One day John sent a WhatsApp and said something really wise, “

The purpose of you being the Healer, is not to save the world or save another human everyday. It will burden you and disillusioned you. People who are healed miraculously by you are soul willing. Thus, willing by free will.

The purpose is for us to connect with people whom we can connect to create a new beautiful outcome willingly. Like you and I. Our close bond together. Thus, enriches our existence and àenlightens our knowing. Willing and humble connection is to enlighten us. That’s real creation power. Unwillingness is untimelyness. Misfortune arises if we force the outcome. Fortunes rushes in when clarity is practiced daily.

Message Channelled today.”

I have unmindfully taken on too much responsibility. I give it my all. I have been totally thrown off balance. And I get back to trying to lean in on control but the more control I try to exert, the more out of control I feel. All these took so much out of me, I feel like an empty vessel, void, subdued and its time I learn to put me back and take care of myself.

Tuning in to Frances Fuller, gave me inspiration,

-creating your sacred space before you get out of bed: connection with source and creating a boundary and creating a harmonious environment for self and energy, for home

-first step in creating sacred space: connection with creator and live in sacred space: bring in harmonious frequencies and be in balance

-boundaries help u maintain a stable high frequency rather than be brought down into lower frequencies : building our unique energy signature, when we focus and run on our healthy perfect energy, we are strong powerful and in harmony with ourselves = lavender

-anchoring with strong trees :cedarwood copaiba

-allowing our authentic self to radiate out

-focus

-Practice checking in with yourself more often that you are living in your sacred space in pure harmony and balance without outside things interring with our being and existence in this beautiful space

Dear Guru Rinpoche, I pray that the protection, healing, blessings is on all beings on earth, wherever they are, whenever they need. Give us all the healing we need at the deepest level, let us mend and heal with the very magic of you.