Qinzhi is 11 years and 10 months old?

It seemed like yesterday that she’s entered primary one, it seemed like yesterday Qinzhi was born. Thinking of yesterday brought up lots of images of Qinzhi in my mind. Flashes of them.

And what a journey Qinzhi has taken.

Its the holiday season but Qinzhi is spending much time revising—in view of next year’s PSLE exams, and to make up for whatever she missed in your lower primary school days.

Sometimes seeing Qinzhi frustrated at revision made me stop and think. I can see that Qinzhi is trying her utmost. I asked if Qinzhi wants to repeat Primary 6 but she says she wants to go for the PSLE exams. And I told Qinzhi that if this is what she wants, Mom and Dad will do our utmost to support her. And we will do this together.

So that we did, Dad engaged Qinzhi a tutor, and enrolled Qinzhi in some online lessons, coincidentally Gary had the time to come tutor her twice. I pushed on with assessments everyday.

And I must say, this is one of the most busy—yet fulfilling holidays Qinzhi has. She is lazy and takes all the opportunities to laze around but I try my best to motivate her.

Sometimes I can feel that Qinzhi is trying her best not to be distracted and is frustrated at herself. Other times, she is frustrated at me.

A few times, she is lost in her thoughts. I wonder what Qinzhi must be feeling when I shout at her.

I wonder what is the stress Qinzhi feels at heart. Because she is such a perceptive child. One day, I told Qinzhi that Gor is going for knee surgery and at bed time we spoke again, Qinzhi burst out crying. She says that after what has happened to her school mate, she doesn’t want anyone else to go for surgery.

And what more, her popo or grandma, not her real one, but the very one who held her more precious than herself—– is going for one. She cried so hard her eyes swell the next day.

And this morning when Huaihao was naughty and made everyone lose our cool, Daddy has already pulled him out and it was Qinzhi who came to the rescue.

She can feel impending danger or when another feels threatened or in danger and responds like a saviour or Huaihao’s guardian angel.

I thought of myself. Haven’t I been in the role before?

In December, I convinced Qinzhi to go for a hair trim after all these years. She is still extremely fearful and I can see Qinzhi totally held backwards in fear.

I was like that once.

So so so much fear that I wasn’t moving. I saw myself in Qinzhi.

So I treated her to Burger Plus, not the most healthy but a treat and a steal this holiday. Then brought her to the salon. She tried new things, she had a hair wash, trim , blow and the stylist curled her hair.

This is probably one of the most satisfying hair trips she’s had. Before this, it was extremely traumatic to have her think about a hair salon.

The same day, we brought Qinzhi and Huaihao to the dentist to clean their teeth. The next day, Gengyan jiujiu brought Qinzhi and Huaihao for a daycation.

The next week, Karyn’s dad brought the kids to a pop up Jurassic Cafe and brought them presents. It was a once a year happy affair the kids looked forward to

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QinZhi really wanted a staycay and ayi told Ah tin ayi and she redeemed 4 nights at MBS for us.

I really wanted to Qinzhi to have a holiday without work and we tried despite HuaiHao ‘s constant attempts to drive us nuts

We ate at new places and not what we would normally would, hoping that the new flavors and experiences would give her new sensations and emotions .

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We spent a good day walking around orchard road and getting presents for yiyi popo and whoever Qinzhi has designated , using their own savings . I hope Qinzhi and HuaiHao learn to give back and appreciate the folks who love them.

And above all, I hope Qinzhi has a holiday of sorts even if she’s constantly challenged by HuaiHao and homework. She loves Huaihao so much she gets upset at for for reprimanding Huaihao even if Hao is in the wrong. She would say:”You do not how to handle Huaihao, get creative!”

And she would be so worked up you could feel the anger rising. I wonder if this is a good thing. At first I was worried, but more and more, I m beginning to take this positively, because she needed to let off steam. And because she did, afterwards she could talk to Huaihao and us like she always did without any kind of awkwardness.

Dear Qinzhi, whatever the case, take care of yourself first. I wonder why but I told you so so so many times, that you are so pretty, I encouraged you to tie up your hair, in a high ponytail, in a bun that would highlight your face. but you simply refused.

I wonder why?

Don’t you want to be beautiful?

Or do you think that you are not?

To mommy, you are precious, one and only, and I told you, that you have to learn to respect yourself, for if you don’t, no one else will.

Start loving yourself Qinzhi.

You are enough.