I forgot what we were talking about, but I was exposing him to the idea that for some schools of thought, the soul moves on when its time for the body to retire
And Huaihao was asking me, how does the soul move on? “Because like great grandmother, she’s burnt into ashes already so how does she become another person ?”
I m not too sure myself but I brought up the word reincarnation. It must be the first time Huaihao heard this word.
Then he said, “Mummy, can you live a happy and healthy life ? Otherwise I would be so sad when you pass away. If you live happily and healthily, I will be only worried when you are 90 or 80. And how old are you already?”
I cannot imagine how much I mean to Huaihao, much as I may not know how much I mean to my mother, my father, and equally, I may not know how much they mean to me.
But Huaihao’s words put things into perspective for me.
Amidst of all unhappiness, challenges, miscommunication, lack of communication and satisfaction, Huaihao’s words helped put things into perspective.
To rise above it all, and to put effort into living happily and healthily. These are the most important and precious in life. And living happily and healthily, isnt this THE MOST important thing, nothing else can rise up to?
Its almost like anger meeting with his words and retreating instantly dissolving into nothingness.
I remember the day he was born, I wrote a long reflection which said that Huaihao ‘s gift was for me to do all that I did not have a chance to, I did not use the epidural, I did all the traditional confinement stuff no matter how hard, I drank gallons of red date tea. Huaihao is a constant reminder, inspiration and light to search for new pathways and not be satisfied with what has been done.
And how to live happily and healthily? But for you, I will. I will try my very best to live happily and healthily for you.
Thank you teacher! And it feels like these words came from somewhere deeper, further, wiser.
It was bedtime as usual
HuaiHao says, “ mommy, it feels like you are happy on the outside but sad inside. Is it because I hurt my head and my lips?”
Together, we feel like sisters. She can put on my clothes and we are beginning to speak to each other like adults very much.
Confiding in each other about the big and little things in life. Thats how it is when Qinzhi goes to Pasir Ris and confides in popo and yiyi. Always thankful i have these 2 ladies who love Qinzhi —-probably more than I do, always looking out for her and after her. Her guardian angels.
Because Qinzhi liked BlackPink a lot, Dad bought 2 pink Black Pink tees. And I find myself humming the k pop songs Qinzhi like. In one way or other, we are aligning to each other and getting close.
Huaihao has been exceptionally naughty of late and shouting and crying alot . When Qinzhi cannot take it, she will run into the room and bang the door
She tells me later, that she cannot take Huaihao’s cries and will get a headache. I try to explain to her—that we need to give space for emotions to be free.
The good thing is that, Qinzhi always loses the temper quickly afterwards. She does not bear a grudge and comes back to her normal persona quickly.
And after all, after so long, Qinzhi ‘s hair is finally back to the length she likes.
This was when Qinzhi was 5 years 8months old. It took us only a while to snip it off, but so much longer and so much effort to bring it back.
On hindsight, I realised I didnt know enough then when I let my flat go.
Its now—when people ask me, that I realise the meaning of moving.
My HDB Flat . We got this flat and then got married and had Qinzhi and Huaihao. We have been here for 12 years.
Was it one month back? We let it go—–without even knowing where we will be next.
It came from a simple thought, that the kids were growing up and needing more space, we wanted an opportunity to set things that were not so right—-right. For example, a proper kitchen. A proper bedroom, everything in place at the right place. it seemed something basic, but pretty difficult to find in land scarce and expensive Singapore.
We wanted to upgrade. To a bigger space, a quieter spot with less disturbance of traffic, with a more pleasant environment, with proper space for the kitchen, the living area, and bedrooms.
But now—-as friends ask me—–it began to dawn on me that it is much much more.
As in, it’s precisely because we need—— and we have called out ——-that is why the universe, upon hearing us, have given us the opportunity to move, to shift.
It goes to show that what we have now cannot serve us any more, whether it be the space, or lifestyle or how we have lived.
It means it is timely or the time has come. It means we are ready. As if we have passed a certain test. And we are elevating together————-as a family unit.
But interestingly, the new hasn’t come yet
And I also think it’s because we havent firmed up or aligned as a family, we havent concretised together —-as a family, what we want enough yet.
And opportunities are there.
In fact, I m thankful for the time, we have been given as a family to ink our realities together. What do we want together? What are we looking out for —together? What can we learn and how can we grow together—-with ease and with joy and happiness everyday?
Up somewhere in the air, there’s a lot of space, and opportunities we can harness for creativity and cocreating together—–within ourselves, as a family, and with the universe.
I am just thankful for this opportunity but just dont really know how to go about it.
Going with the gut feel I guess, and with blessings and inspiration from the divine.
And more opportunities came.
A friend has asked me to start out a business in the line of my passion—-vegetables! Its a whole new realm, something I have not dabbled before. I asked John about it, because he once told me my path is spiritual, and is here to help people.
Just as I have done, settling back to myself , back onto the home front with my kids, and this opportunity came along to allow me room for growth and expansion. More so, to create. To build. To put my thoughts into reality.
All along, I have been holding back, I allow myself to be held back, I create situations to hold myself back.
John has this to say: “you are given a mission to educated chefs and food industry about conscious eating, everyone keeps talking about selection of ingredients. but do they really know about the selection of ingredients? the selection of ingredients starts from soil. if soil quality is not good, ingredients remain superficial. If your soul can channel this kind of work, there will be a lot of such opportunities coming to you, because you are really doing good for society and earth. I really want this to experience this for yourself, there will be a lot of benefit If you do good, If you take on this mission to educate people. People who eat in restaurants are also families, if you can help them eat well, you will have a lot of benefit in future.”
I asked him further: it seems i just started to go spiritual and healing on my own and now I m going back. How do I know if this abundance is for me or just to check my faith in going spiritual?
His reply is great as ever: “what makes you think spirituality is separated from business or business is opposite of spirituality. Its how you drive yourself in an area such that people benefit. Spirituality is not separating from day to day mundane things. Its not separating yourselves high up away from people”
What is stopping me? I asked myself. Maybe just — not stepping up to it.
Thinking I cant, I am not deserving, I am not worthy.
I have been shying away all this while. The Michelin experience was great to position me a t a level befitting of my calling. But it is not what I really want or is good for me, and so the opportunity came for me to bye it away.
And I realised. In me telling myself I cant, doubting myself, giving excuses of being not enough, I have created all sorts of circumstances to stop myself from rising to the occasion.
In health, I created circumstances of lack. Sub par. Emotionally and in my marriage too, I created my own sub par reality. If anything, the person who would take responsibility for this reality is me.
Out of ignorance, speaking to my lower self, reinforcing habits and not having had the awareness to look beyond or deeper, i have circumstances reinforced my habits and belief system.
I brought myself here.
And all the recent changes opened me up to a new path, its like light at the end of a tunnel.
I just couldn’t see back then.
But now, i have been the one to create these realities. And I take full responsibility for all the emotional upheavals and rides I have been through.
Time and money or life that has been lost.
Is there regret?
No, because that’s the way I learnt. The path I chose.
And now I find myself standing at the end of the road. And given a priceless opportunity to choose my future.
And choose I will.
A departure from how we learned as a family in the past————-
I ask for a house so full of love , so perfect for all of us, that will allow us to learn and grow with ease together. We learn and grow in happiness and in joy. A house rich in abundance of well being, vitality, great energy, peace, joyful, harmony, wealth. We have all that we need to bask in our abundance so as to share our light and the truth of our being, so as to inspire change and make a meaningful difference to others.
Simply by living our truth and our abundance. By being the living example of what life really is or means.
What does it really mean to be in alignment with yourself? To be authentic?
The following videos have been pretty instrumental in culminating my thoughts.
In essence, once our vibration reaches a particular level we would be like messengers translating a higher wisdom using our own language to our fellow earthlings
Now I know why I had the chance to see the bashar video!
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