Dear Qinzhi,

If there’s anyone I have to thank for my life , my personal growth, my evolution, it’s you.

You came as a surprise. In my tribe , everything has to go by the order by the book. You defied that. You wanted mommy to inspect the norms or what is societal or cultural expectations and the truth in these things we most probably blindly follow

Then you made me think about parenting and what is best? Do I let you grow up like I did—- in wonderful nanny’s care while I work or learn to strike a balance?

You kickstarted my healing when shortly after I found that I have a raised cancer marker. That was when I went to see Uncle John and got his advice to eat clean and discovered aromatherapy and plant based power

But while o was checking all these bits of life, addressing the outer layers, I was not really doing enough inner work on myself. I wasn’t really looking into my experiences or the intense emotions that came along

I was just wishing they would stay where they are

Even if I knew this isn’t right

Until you had your seizure

Everything that I kept at bay came back. There’s not much choice but to look at them again, all these suppressed emotions, painful intense experiences

I had no choice but to peel the layers and to look at them,

Then I began to investigate more deeply into healing, energy healing , quantum wisdom , plant power and learned so much about life, reality

And this is, all thanks to you precious one.

You are the one who let me uncover and discover about life and learn so so much. And how ever can thank you be enough teacher?

You are getting taller by the day and I feel dwarfed already standing next to you.

You seem to be telling about growth and aging.

I feel the beauty of life seeing how you bloom.

We came from such a place of despair, we once were, when things are so broken and in need of mending. Everything needed to mend and still is.

But we are progressing.

How did we embark on this journey? Its been one so imbued with so many mixed emotions , pain and suffering, but we came this far—-together.

I m emotional and stirred perhaps because I finally brought people to see Uncle John.

I once brought my cousin to see him, but things fell awry because my cousin didn’t really follow through the recommendations.

I still remember the pain in his parents’ voices when they called me to tell me how my cousin is suffering . And i simply couldn’t handle those.

SO i stopped bringing people to see Uncle John

But i felt a part of me close. Until 2 weeks ago, when granddad felt pain in his chest and had to be at A&E, I decided to bring him to see Uncle John, and coincidentally, my friend too.

Then things picked up speed, and last week I brought 2 aunties to see Uncle John, and amazingly, they shared positive feedback and talk about wanting to try out and change.

Make a change.

I cannot say how wonderful that is.

The feeling of hope. That there is hope and light and wanting to make a change, there’s a direction they can follow and I can feel them wanting to put their foot down to this.

There’s gratitude in there that they are given a chance. And things can improve. I m just so happy and I want to do more for them.

At my own end, I was handling and processing my inner feelings too. When I brought my friend and dad, i still felt some fear

but with xiaogu and liushen, i felt that i m learning, as john speaks to them, i learn lots, the way he speaks, why he uses certain supplements and oil for, and how i can help pple become better and earn some keep/

this sense of education, learning and discovery definitely helped me revisit my past experiences with more light and positivity, helping me see that there’s the importance of a right frame of mind and attitude, and i cant be too attached to outcomes. SO it was my mind in a wrong frame or mindset that caused my own unhappiness.

i actually feel pretty fulfilled when i brought xiaogu and liushen to see john and to hear that they will embark on john’s proposal.

its a great moment of change, and truly truly amazing. People can change overnight. It shows the power of words and energy and I hope I can create more of these fulfilled moments

it makes me want to do better too as a person : and while i thought in the beginning, that they heal with me, now i see that actually, i heal with them

So qinzhi you see, how we learn in life? The way life teaches us is miraculous and truly incredible,

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Bought you these, because you were sleeping on your own in your room. And you are beginning to feel at ease and loving your little space.

I look back at the days when we tried so hard to get you to be in your own room. But it seems you are ready now. And this is coming from a space within. You are so much more powerful now Qinzhi.

Uncle John always says to me, when mommy changes, daughter or children change.

Looking at you, made me understand how much I have come.

We went to East Coast yesterday and experienced the sunday morning by the sea, then went for hotpot lunch, and açai.

Ah Mei ayi says she wants cherry and you drew this for her. And she says she cant wait to put it up

I love it when Qinzhi comes over and asks for a hug, like every morning upon awake or when you feel like it.

When in the past you would hide this need, now you are asking for it. What a great change this is.

And i love it that you seem pretty unaffected by results. When there are reviews and assessments, you wouldn’t prepare for it, and when you flunked math, you didnt really mind.

Me neither.

I love this great change. My mommy used to angle in on me to ensure i get the best results, i grew up this way and i sort of wanted you to. But you did your share to let me know this shouldn’t be.

You helped me know study isnt all, and I m so glad i deviated from this old program.

I only want Qinzhi to be healthy and happy. Which is what I wanted when I knew I had you.

Seeing you follow kpop and dance and move to the grooves of kpop made you happy and me too!

May you be well and happy.