Its been a while! And bringing myself onto my bed to self reiki brought me lots of healing!

I lapsed into a deeper state after breath work and where did I go? But how nourishing it was!

How about writing the word love on my chest my navel my womb and pelvic region?

So thats what I did. And it was beautiful wishing myself well.

Mr Ng has been telling me about the wonders of EFT Tapping and recently I reconnected with this wonderful tool. And i thought, can i tap gently on my keloids too?

SO i just tried. Its a new thing I m doing to this and lets see what comes out of it.

And delving into pockets of silence, I found these inspirations:

1)Build a new relationship with the body

With the keloid, the cyst,

I heard myself say in the silence

The body is so because it has responded to the way I thought or believed. In building an new relationship I intend to mindfully build non inflammation harmony bliss peace joy balance happiness—-as far as possible. 

Because I deserve. 

So TPY build, build on the existing and build it on and with the keloids the cyst but also with the eyes the skin the kidneys the liver the stomach the intestines the pancreas the spine the brain the womb the nose the mouth

anywhere and anytime i find an opportunity and everywhere I want to improve on or heal or get a go at returning it to the state of equilibrium or optimum level of performance.

Build it with me and everything I have —— with intention with mindfulness and awareness 

Build the body to support my intention to further support my journey on this spiritual evolution 

Vice versa, as I find my spirituality, I help find a body that supports me 

2)How about starting my own business ?

Starting to sell something I believe in that worked for me and will work for or support another’s dream

Bf has always felt that I should start something and in my own space in the shower I thought how about this?

When I had a sore gum and refused to use the clinical mouth rinse the dentist recommended, I used natural alternatives such as thieves mouth rinse and copaiba to apply on the sore gum

When the dentist knew this worked, he asked if we could manufacture this and propose this combination to other patients 

I didn’t think much of it and honestly told him —- everything can be bought from young living

Recently i was disturbed and did not know how to go about telling SY about my feelings towards my contribution. I felt like I was giving directorial advice but not paid aptly

it bugged at me and I was unhappy and not satisfied. so i tried to open up a discussion

Then as suddenly yesterday, I thought how about getting a product and sharing it? It has to be something I believe in, has benefited me and will do the same to others. Lets see how it goes!

3)abundance and the power put back into myself

Realising limitless possibilities potentiality and what we can do

What I have could have been challenging for me, but these are the very things  people cannot take away and that which only I can appreciate in full

So my experience is something I can use I can translate into things that others can use 

5) “What if the story you’ve been telling yourself simply isn’t true?”—–Philip Mckernan

6) In the silence of the night I also thought of one thing, I really didn’t like it whenever the kids triggered bf n he got angry and he would shrug the kids out of his way and would retreat into his own space  

I felt my body resist in a particular way to let me know this is something I cannot accept

Many times I have ignored its call but yesterday it happened again 

HuaiHao wanted to play chess and he didn’t want to, HuaiHao insisted and pulled at his clothes and fell on him using his little body and weight as if to force him. But he stood up and shrugged away HuaiHao in force 

I didn’t like it. That shrug away is so forceful I hurt seeing it for myself 

Its rejection.

Why I asked? Why didn’t I like it?

The voice in me says that I didn’t like the action of him shrugging the kids’ pull in retaliation in helplessness and just retreating into his own shell

I have spoken to him so many times and I want to but I thought ——-Dear divine , why this this time and how can this be solved and improved not using my own ways?

Can I pass this to you?

Yes I will

I intend that this be resolved and like deepak chopra advised, cast your intentions out to the universe and trust it will echo back

And in the meantime I want to work on myself

Starting from what I dislike –

I dislike the action of rejection he performed forcefully 

I hate it

It reminded me of the rejection I gave to my mother at the ironing board many years ago that still makes me cringe with pain and —— regret

Mom apologized to me because I was throwing a tantrum , I helped her do housework so she needn’t work so hard when she got home from a busy day’s work

But mom would repeat doing the housework I did

I felt like my good intentions and care and protection for her is rejected 

Like she did not trust me

And I got really upset 

I flared up at the ironing board at her and she’s already at her wits end trying to hug me and saying sorry girl sorry sorry and she was crying 

I felt so sad but I was so angry I couldn’t respond 

This is something that is holding a knot at the belly area that I need to release 

Also his rejection and shunning and retreating into his own space made me deal with the kids on my own 

Every time he did this I feel like I m like my mother who had to deal with us and suck it up with no choice when father left us 

This needs to be further freed 

With awareness I release all feelings of anger upset frustration disbelief shock helplessness unhappiness of not being reciprocated and appreciated at the ironing board these are the emotions I have carried with me till today

Like after 20 years?!

These are also meanings I have attached to the incident and is not what mommy wanted me to feel 

But I have carried this baggage all the while

Then I intend and want to consciously release all the pain sufferings trauma disbelief hurt anger worry rejection feelings of not being loved of not being precious of great shock when father left us

I release also all the second tier feelings of undeserving of being small and unworthy of goodness feelings off being lack of confidence that came with these 

I release them all now

With awareness I know that my father did not throw us away and that we are not precious or deserving 

But these are meanings and interpretations I have made in that moment with what wisdom and awareness or intelligence I have 

I release them all

All these that do not serve me any longer

And I still feel like spelling these out to bf but this time I m just expressing to him and will leave the rest up to him not encroaching not enforcing 

I trust that in his journey that will be a time he will find these sharing useful both for himself and for us as a family

And in the times that I got impatient and upset that he’s still in his own space quiet, I discuss this with the kids, and let it be a learning lesson showing of how people manage emotions.

Qinzhi and Huaihao are so evolved they tell me dad’s having a bad day, in a bad mood and such.

Amazing tiny people these 2!

And when I see him still stuck, and i feel anger soar, I try and use this to invoke awareness or just allow awareness into this situation. I see that I have putting judgements and adding meanings. So step back and observe.