Day 15

*Task*

Write a letter of gratitude and recognition to a person who you think hurt you at some point in life.

Meditate so that the image of this person comes to you.

More than one person may appear.  But today we write a letter to only one.

Before you sit down to write, cleanse yourself of negative emotions towards this person. If you still have resentment or anger, you can separately write down all these feelings for them on paper and then burn or tear the sheet to shreds.

It is important not to feel hostility towards a person when you write a letter of thanks to them.

Write this letter on a piece of paper. Writing by hand for this exercise is important! 

My inputs:

As I wrote down my feelings of anger and resentment and inability to forgive my father, i begin to see how much I have followed or copied him energetically 

How much of my life is a download and a copy of his

Such as when I m angry at him for thinking he is undeserving , unworthy and for not struggling or trying hard enough and just leaving it to fate 

I see this in myself too

Such as how I feel he did not cherish or love my mother enough or how he chose to let his closest ones suffer or how he prioritizes himself over us but maybe he did that’s why he chose this path

or how he did not try a new path or how he felt shameful 

I saw what high expectations I had of him and saw how I used these expectations on myself and others and suffered , bringing myself misery when I couldn’t or others couldn’t level up

I wrote how I disliked the way he has to hide in his room to earn a keep and slowly realized maybe this is his best, or what he thought is his best and I realized my judgment on him causing me the misery

Yes its what he did, but equally if not more, its my judgements and expectations of him that is causing the misery on myself

I wrote how he didn’t try hard enough for us but in another instant I realize maybe he did —- this is his way of loving us with what little capabilities he has and know

I wrote and I wrote and i realize how much influence he has over my life

way too much !

And the day before I realized I had a hand in playing this out too.

So—— How can I let these free and not be under the influence of these stories any longer?

What can I do ?

20 years is long enough of influence and I woke up and realized only now

I saw myself separating the emotions and more importantly my judgements or the meanings I attach to the event

I added these onto the event onto the individual and the lens I put on brought extra misery to myself

I wrote the letter of gratitude to dad and teared up. I just had to thank him for all the experiences he has given me and how these have, become a store of reserves or resource I can tap into and that which birthed and fuelled my need and right and desire to evolve spiritually.

Those dark times tested me through and through and forced to draw up every single inch of power , resolve, determination, might I have, and that which i might not know is in me, they brought me to my values my integrity my learning my soul.

And had it not been that time, those times, I might not have progressed so far on this soulful journey. They provided a basis from which I could work on—-WOW, i can see it like this now! Resources for practice.

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I thanked him for loving me, and for giving me life.

Phrase:

* “As I live in present moment awareness I live the magic of synchrodestiny” *

 * “Living in the awareness of the present moment, I live the magic of perfect synchronization with my fate” *

 *Mantra:*

Aham Bramasmi

Aham Bramasmi

Audio

Reality of Abundance , source = universe and how we attract

7 Laws

This week: ways Abundance can manifest

Seemingly unrelated events coming together to bring fulfillment in our lives 

This coincidence synchrodestiny 

Recognizing and Celebrating this cosmic dance, trusting the rhythm to life, and when we live in harmony with rhythm and things, everything we desire come to us effortlessly

We can make miracles without limit and end

When things go right they seem to continue to go right

Aligned with universe 

What seem like coincidence pop up daily 

Opportunity support u out of the blue

That is synchrodestiny 

Play of universe that spreads banquet of abundance before you 

Once you Relax into rhythm of life it’s as if you floating in genre current of river

It’s where Everything u want awaits you

Like a powerful magnet

Attract well being

Spiritual fulfillment 

Life’s true meaning and see purpose

Listen to messages they bring

Love in abundance of synchrodestiny

Explore experiences of synchrodestiny in life

Consciously recall to awareness recent coincidences you had

Or you had a thought and someone support you

See these coincidences and the universe at work on your life helping you realize your dreams 

* “As I live in present moment awareness I live the magic of synchrodestiny” *

Aham Bramasmi

Aham Bramasmi

The core of my being is the ultimate reality 

In my meditation I asked for an apology from my husband

I asked for an apology because this morning he flared up at me because he reached out for salt and the cover wasn’t properly done. Salt spilled out and he just threw the cover away and then stomped things then stomped and banged the door twice

I had to continue with my kids 

I was calm too calm I questioned myself if there’s something wrong with me

Continue making pancake with my kids as if nothing is wrong

I didn’t put myself first again

I was worried how qinzhi who witnessed everything might think

And just yesterday I was listening to Philip Mckernan say: so you think you are doing a good job covering things up and protecting the others, no! You r doing a shitty job because your kids can feel it

And now I m angry at myself for choosing this path —— again

But what can I do?

I need to make sure qinzhi who saw it all is good n not affected

And when I was making the pancakes all sorts of thoughts came up

From separating the incident from the individual to

But he’s angry at me

There’s something else he’s angry with me

How could he do this to me in front of the kids

I felt like time reversed and I witnessed my father chiding mother, and dad was not even as hot tempered but my mom had to suck it all in. Pretend like nothing has happened 

I m mom like she was

But I remind myself that I don’t want to be so silly as to stake my precious life and feelings on this one like that going to extremities 

I m so sick of the way he mismanaged his emotions

Does he even respect or love me

He who once cherished me like a pearl on a shell like a princess 

How did we go so wrong

I cannot tolerate this kind of behavior

I m so sick of his tempers

I recall elders say he has his temperament of his father who is extremely bad tempered too

I thought of my dad say—- he’s a good man but his temper is too bad —- when I told dad I wanted to be with him

Another thought told me he’s up to his brim and he has pain that’s why this triggered him

I feel helpless . How long more must we tolerate and suffer fallout like this just because he has issues unsettled

HuaiHao just didn’t care he continued to play

Qinzhi must have learned my reaction of taking it down just like how I learned from my mother

Another thought said go into the room n tell him to apologize in front of the kids n to spin this into a learning experience for all for everyone to use this experience to learn , to find out how qinzhi n HuaiHao feel, use this to transform so that I do not fall into the usual mode of waiting for an apology in silence 

Yet another thought said, he hurt me yet again, how many more times must this repeat? I feel like kicking him out of the house and my life

This is not how I want my husband to be

I asked for someone to wake him up to the fact that he has issues to settle and process otherwise we will all end up repeating cycles our previous generations had and we end up suffering 

I asked for someone to help our family with healing

Universe , help me! NOW!

And is this the universe’s way of giving me an exercise to show me in abundance——- that I still have this thing to sort out in my relationship  

That aside I m sincerely  thankful of the abundance of tools I have in me, whether it’s tapping or release or meditation or this abundance challenge I m going thru now. It keeps me so much more balanced and unreactive I m liking myself so much now 

As I keep focus on awareness and wisdom 

At night when we played , I took the chance to talk about this when the game was played in awkward silence.

Qinzhi says we are not talking. So I took the chance and tried to sort out how we all feel about the incident. I m not sure how successful I m but this proactive step at resolving conflict aims to let everyone know that I intend that as a family we should move together forwards in conflict resolution, we shouldnt keep things inside but to talk it out calmly at the onset of an opportunity and to express how we really feel. To seek the apology we feel we deserve and to move on with these grudges released.

What a day!

Abundance of teachings?!