Dear Huaihao,
You are having high fever and i feel its quite strong, daddy says you and qinzhi have been home, so if anything, either me or him could have passed it to you.
I m trying my best to get you well again.
We had such a lovely chat yesterday at bedtime, I thought you might remember this for life.
Would you, if I intend?
You came in earlier for bedtime and as usual we hugged and kissed. I asked, “what if mommy doesnt hug and kiss you?” And you say “I’ll feel lonely”
AWWWWWW
So I kissed and hugged doubly hard.
We spoke. I said, I didnt know why I say these things to a 7 year old, but I said anyway—-that if I had given birth one day earlier, or ten minutes later, the baby with me might not be you.
How lucky how blessed how grateful I m to have you by my side on my bed now, and that we can be hugging each other!
He nodded perceptively.
And I said, if I had not given birth at that very time to Qinzhi that day that time, then probably you might not meet her here.
How would a 7 year old take that?
He seemed to really enjoy the conversations we had, too adult-is at times, but I asked, “so if mommy is like 6 or 7 years old, would you want me as your girlfriend?”
He smiled affectionately, yes.
Why?
“Because I want to be with you. Mommy”
I gave birth to Huaihao when I was 32 years old, and I told him so, like Mommy is 32 years older.
And he says, “I feel a bit sad, because you are going to be like 50, 60, 70, 80, 90….”
I took the chance to tell him that this is probably the time we might meet and we did in time, so we should cherish every moment together and do good together and to uplift each other.
I teared up and he wiped my tears.
The next morning, he said to me, “what a wonderful conversation we have mommy”
Anyways, we are into lots of good food! I cooked and I cooked and I cooked!
We ordered in and ordered in and ordered in
The kids cooked and cooked and cooked. I felt that it would be good to have them feel food. Huaihao made dairy free ice cream. He cooked pasta one by one, and had so much fun!
On daddy’s birthday they made cards and we ordered food in
And Huaihao drew and drew and drew!
One day I asked what he enjoyed most about that day and he said it was making Mother’s Day card. Too sweet a talker this one! But I lap it all out. Yum
Love it when he shaves and he would poke fun!
Mommy discovered such a lovely biodynamic grape juice and of course we had to use the wine glass!
And continued to create transformers using Lego. I wonder why so many creations. He seemed to be echoing my path as I have been doing lots on the soul evolution end of late, discovering about bettering myself and inner work. We mirror each other!
Huaihao is also getting better and better at chess!
One day I tasked him to cleaning the floor and to be aware that he is cleaning the floor as he works
We tried new things, sprouting green beans and following how they grow seeing them grow roots!It was very much enriching for me as well, seeing the little thing grow roots. This seed and whatever in the water, just water and it grew?
Was it minerals in the water? Intention or love or just nature being like that?
There’s energy we cant see at work, doing so much work.
Nature is so fascinating!
One day, Mommy made lots and let Qinzhi and Huaihao draw and it was to make pizza and pasta!
On another day, Mommy decided to challenge the kids. Every night I would announce the challenge for the next day, such as 2 kind acts, 3 things you are grateful for and let the kids write or draw or do show n tell to express, there has to be rewards of course! And this is hao drawing out his win!
One day it was raining so heavily, I took the chance to experience rain again its Huaihao and asked him to put his hand out to feel the cool droplets. We used to do that, I sed to carry him as a baby and to hold out his hand whenever it rained.
And now, in the blink of an eye, he is already so tall and can do it himself
Dear Huaihao, like qinzhi, you are so precious to me, you are my reminder to throw out all of the old and to make new rules, try out a new pathway, and to discover the world , life and myself.
I wish you lots of love, light and beauty. May you always be a light upon yourself and others.
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