I fell asleep with the kids and find myself awake at 2am.

Realized I had the clothes in the washing machine and chores undone, so I set out to complete these while everyone else is asleep.

The middle of the night. A part of day we have been granted but by far and large, mostly untapped into.

It’s quiet and this quiet sort of helps you get quiet.

I went about my chores with more awareness and simply took time.

When I went back to bed, Qinzhi and HuaiHao is sweetly asleep

I look at them and a thought whispered out loud to me——— haven’t I have blessings and so much of them the past 40 years? Love support and guidance across realms came to me. Angels guardians relatives friends teachers who showed me the light and to help me get through the darkness. I am grateful.

I have had so much worry and fear shock and anger.

But it was all still ———SO GOOD.

I came through so imbued with emotions, realizations and rich , well even magical experiences no one has had the way I have.

How about dedicating myself to light and love, peace and joy in the days ahead?

Haven’t I have enough of habitual worry fear? Earlier in the day in the shower, I was looking at the cyst at my navel and fear stung. What if this turn bad? It could have. I feel like I m with fire. Things can go either way at every moment. What was it that made it bad. What was it that turned it towards wellness?

I thought of the days I had when the doctor told me they found a speck in the cyst and I should operate on it to remove the whole of my navel.

In the days leading up to the MRI, I faced the sun every morning, I chanted before I drank my water and I cleared my thoughts on people whom I couldn’t forgive or experiences I couldn’t accept.

I thought of the magic I had in my life.

I told myself I do not need the doctors and the surgery at all. And I get extremely sure about that. I fasted. I was in full awareness and worked at transforming my emotions each time I felt fear anger etc

I thought of the challenges I m having with the cyst the inflammation the keloids. And al the fear and worry and anger I have absorbed.

Then when I checked my phone, I saw someone in the reiki Ko group needing help because of an emergency.

I felt the streak of fear. I felt like I could feel their fear and worry.

We were called to the hospital in the middle of the night when Mom couldn’t make it. And for a while, I was afraid of the middle of the night.

Awareness of these feelings and thoughts is helpful to me. And I make a step forwards asking myself to release all the fear worry shock I have absorbed into my system my cells my cellular memory consciously or unconsciously from my surroundings , from people I knew. I find that I tap too easily into others’ negativity and I didn’t know how to dispense with these. But now, I found a tool in awareness and in the release technique.

I breathe in.

And open myself up to light love peace and harmony.

And I ask myself: How can I steer myself to goodness like this?

Is it a reminder to myself ? Feels like this needs something stronger to steer. Visualization? Happiness? Gratitude ?

What is it that can steer away from the past habits and propel me into light?

Willingness? Belief. When I typed the word belief as I occurred to me, I sensed just how much disbelief or lack of confidence I have for myself. I felt the pull of it all to stay here where I m most familiar with. I pulled myself back.

So the steer is I.

I must want it a lot . Very much to leave where I m to go forwards.

I

The maker of my very own experiences.

If I can make myself come here. I can make myself go everywhere———- I want. So long as I want.

I m reminded of what Stephan said. That the power I have to create. And in the quiet of the night, I want to experiment.

With all the blessings I have had in the last 40 years, with all the gratitude I have amassed all the luck magic and wonder, I want to create an even better shinier magical healthier ever more TPY kind of the next 40 years.

I want to dedicate myself to light to love to peace to magic.