Teacher checked on me and thought of me.

Reading his messages softened my body. The. I knew how tense I have been. Sometimes awareness works this way. My face relaxed and then I knew the power of him.

I asked myself: How can I make people soften up when I say something? And feel warmth and happiness? And relax and feel peaceful ? How do I make these big little things work this way?

It’s by really practicing awareness. Being mindful. I wanna try.

I will try!

Coincidentally or—-perhaps not, PM Lee was going live to say that SG will be practicing tougher measures in a bid to break the circuit in view of increasing local transmissions. It seemed like everyone has been waiting for this announcement. So workplaces are ordered to shut unless they provide essential services, there will be no dine-ins and only take aways, schools will start home based learning for a month starting next wednesday.

Qinzhi says, “Huh, what are we going to do at home?”

Huaihao says, “But you dont have to get up at 6am now”

I said I m stuck with them or one full month now, and they concur. What do we do? Besides going on holiday, I didnt think we have had the chance to stick together 24hours like that for as long as 1 month.

It will be an interesting time.

Teacher says of his experience in Switzerland who has been in this state already till april mid, “So additionally to have to face oneself, the daily negative news, the survival and payment of bills, causes great exisitencial anxieties.

I’m sure your contribution and efforts will be of benefits for many. This difficult times have also a good side, they bring people together and solidarity and support in the most unexpected places.

Please take very good care of your self. The Ego wants a quick and easy solution, but the soul and heart are going deeper, questioning ourselvs, face our demons to understand and accept ourselves to to bloom and realise ourselves. You are on the right path.

Just be kind to your self.“

This called out to me, its like staring at me from the Whatsapp chat and letting me inspect myself. Many times, I considered others first, its been such a habit already. Like when I was busy these few days, I just didnt have the patience, I prioritised something else over myself.

I was still the old.

How can I busy myself and yet be aware and mindful and love without the tension I have been so used to?

Perhaps not letting off the self care element or time for myself not relegating myself to the lower is key

Even just revisiting “who is precious” is key.

I wrote back to thank Teacher and he said, “Happy to hear you. It will be an interesting time. We are in this situation since 17.3. until 19.4. The population is following it despite spring time and raising temperatures. Daily walks and exercises to stay sane and get movement. Otherwise it is not a problem. Although not for everyone.

If and when you have time at hands, I would thrilled to immerse into your journal.

In the meantime please remember and don’t (forget) who is the most precious and needs to be treated with love, compassion and respect!”

It will be an interesting time.

Feels like he is in the future already and telling me about what he saw, telling me about a pathway . Then i wondered about the pink flower bloom he sent me, where is it? In the future too?

With community infections on the rise and seeing how COVID-19 is crumbling the world and breaking it all down, there is a part of me however———which is silently finding this difficult time liberating— I am still trying to find a way to explain this because I m just about grasping this obscure feeling and not quite able to comprehend totally with my mind yet—- but I ‘ll try here:

I feel this earth breaking time is very liberating, literally, I see soil, earth shattering and breaking up. I see it echoes in the processes I have gone through —— they are in me.

Unearthing of lousy unwholesome practices for a start.

There’s also defiance and outright reactions from people stemming from primate behavior or intuition ——- in response to authorities such as when there is panic buying

But on the other end, there’s also so much love and devotion coming out from ground up initiatives and in the people who are stepping forth

All in all, so much uprooting of norms, structures, organisations, practices, habits, systems.

I see how rules no longer rule, systems can no longer satisfy, lies can no longer lie, that which has been put in place due to any other intentions but right ones, swiftly shaken off.

Here’s when what we know due to learned processes and experiences what we rely on all these years and learnings in culture education etc can not help us. We shrug them off

Who has a solution? Who will help? There’s a limit to what government friends society community can do. Everything is flattened , beaten, in shackles, broken.

Cleaned out. Detoxed.

It is when things come to a standstill

As if to help us start on a clean slate.

A lot of people do not know what to do.

Do I ?

I feel it’s a bit blurry but there’s something in there I can experiment with.

Whatever it is, it is such a mighty invitation from the universe first and foremost, to be responsible. To take charge to take the lead.

I did not like responsibilities. I had to take on so many that was beyond me when I was younger.

But life’s experiences tell me I cannot run away from what I fear. And indeed I come back to them. If I didn’t know what to do for qinzhi when I was pregnant, if I didn’t “see” her then, I came back to her now. And when I do, there is resolution when I see her now.

Often, we shift the responsibility to others, or to another time, we tend to do this, dont we? Until it becomes urgent.

We choose not to show up.

Like in my own life, I do a lot of this too.

And now, the situation is inviting us to be responsible for ourselves. Its a time when not even authorities or governments know what to do.

And the onus is on us to show up for ourselves and to find a way out.

Because what works for others may not work for us.

I look at a sector I m helping out with, and see people pushing for more help from authorities, and also, doing their best to circumvent and transform alongside newly made rules to save their entities.

I m slightly worried. I think some would be able to tide over, but at most, a lot of actions are reactive.

We desperately need (to make) the new. Completely revolutionary ideas, norms, pushed forward by new perspectives, attitudes.

This IS exactly the time to build. I sniff newness, novelty, possibilities unthinkable of in the past, emerging and really really——a small green shoot emerging.

Energy —- primal energy that cannot be kept down any longer and wanting to rise.

Inviting you to break out of the old shell, be daring, be novel, be fresh, be everything opposite of what has been in place, or you have been doing,

BE EVERYTHING but the past.

BE FEARLESS about your own AUTHENTICITY.

And I know why I find this time liberating now, I see resonance in this process alongside my own.

If I didnt feel confident enough, If I m seeing that if my process is difficult all along, I m seeing how people alongside me are struggling with this and not even having any awareness of this evolution yet .

This great chance to transform. To change things to make a difference

I have come to understand that help given from the outside is at most, just relief. It is change from the inside that will be open up new grounds.

Somehow somewhere, sometime, we will have to look inwards and dig inside to find that light —the very stuff we are made of.

And to share it outwards with our most authentic voice, use it in our lives, our community our businesses.

Honestly, I cant wait to deliver and find a new way, a new logic system, a new norm, a new practice, a new perspective at looking at the old, one that can be better or make us better than the past.

And one borne not out of greed, but because of a great value, rooted in kindness, in goodness.

One borne out of light and wonder, of love and displaying all the magic I have amassed.

Using all the intuition I have.