What do you actually/really want TPY? Do you even know?

Teacher checked on me from afar and asked me these. Faced with a message like this, I couldn’t really come up with an answer.

He says, “You are working on yourself and that is the most important task.

You are working on many fronts and that can be quite overwhelming. 

I was wondering if you have a top 3 list of the most important points to resolve;

Which would give you the greatest release and relief?”

I took some time to mull over these.

1) I want to heal the cyst completely

2) I want to heal the keloids completely

3) I want to heal/accept my past experiences without judgement and achieve balance/ peace with the most important men in my life, my father and my husband

Seems like a lot to do!

I think part 3 I have said it like 20 years ago but I m still at it! Ha and in the time I have achieved little progress, the cyst has came on and so did the size of the keloid and the inflammation brought on

Teacher said, “Back to the 3 points. To resolve or remove an issue (or layer) i have to identify, to become aware, recognise it (out of the shadow into the light). So i can face it. “

I think I recognized but didn’t really want to face it, out of fear and worry of what may come. This fear and worry is reaction out of habitual patterns I have accumulated since there was me, or patterns I have become accustomed to, I have consciously or unconsciously absorbed into my system from people around me.

It is the acceptance part I have problems with.

Logically I can understand choices made and how or why, but emotionally and therefore energetically, I am still in need of help to totally accept these events.

Why must I accept all these? When I feel like I am at the victim end of it ? And have to suffer and go through so much as a result of others choices? My logical mind asks. The events seem so bizarre and—— unimaginable——Is it even right to accept these?

So these years, I have been caught in a mix of—- working at these, sometimes feeling more acceptance, sometimes leaving things there, sometimes pressing them down. Going in circles.

Teacher went on to say , “Coming from the past it can not be undone. But instead of fighting or repressing it, I will accept it.

Once accepting/acknowledge the fact from a distant point of view, I can look at it observe it from a safe distance. So I can forgive my past self and those involved in the past 

And then, this is the most important part, I will be able to neutralise the judging thoughts and emotions which have held me back. Looking at the past without judgement (positive/negative), will free me from all the burdens which I have carried around and have weighted me down.

Then I can move on to the next one.

All human beings we have experiences and stories…all. The difference on how well we live in the present, is how much we can let go from the past.”

Teacher reminded me to ground whenever I need. “ In these cases just ground yourself… with heart centred, joshin kokyu or and other grounding exercise in a sitting position.”

And I saw this: The purpose of being alive is to experience life itself, to learn to create to inspire.

And then I saw this:

What would your vision be?