The self reiki session today is a v powerful one.

I normally start with the gokai. Then breath work, which is what I learnt in my kundalini yoga class, 32 breaths, from the root to the crown then down to the root.  Normally, halfway through, I would already feel the grounding settling effect of the breath.

You just feel like you have gone deeper

The very awareness of it takes you out of the depth then you go back to breathing again.

Now as I collect these thoughts, I felt like I have some experiences of an accomplished meditation exercise before, not in this time. Maybe elsewhere. I have sat down and experienced this peace and calm before.

Back to breath work,

Somewhere along the 30 ish counts, my tears just came.

I could already feel energy, some higher power or what you call, the divine.

So you are all here?!

Now I know.

“But we have always been with you”

I felt the body pumped with stronger slow flowing energy, I felt the fullness at heart, brimming over.

I still cant see them, but their presence sort of could be felt, a happy bunch of all different, angels, bodhisattvas, gurus, and I felt like each one was taking over each part of my body to contribute healing. 

“I want my keloids to be healed completely.” And one of them went over.

“I want to see my beautiful navel again” (Because the cyst has encroached into some space of the navel) And one smiled and rushed over to attend

“I want to see the big keloid dissolve into nothingness, I want to see the original skin like how it was at the pelvic area” And someone took over.

I just lie there and observed, I couldnt do anything as work is being done coming through my limbs my abdomen, my legs.

I asked the divine to be there with us, to let this energy of goodness touch every single being on earth, all of the insects and birds, animals and beasts, in the water world in the atmosphere, an for all sentient beings to experience its wonder.

And I want to express its wonder and magic.

Then almost as suddenly, I recalled the child’s cry yesterday. One of the flats above me, a father was in rage, demanding to know some truth from the child. “Where did you get the money?” And the child was crying out, ‘I didnt do it, I didnt do it’

My heart cried out in pain as well. Can’t there be another way?

Because of all the hurt I felt, may all families parents, couples and children not have to go through anything like this at all.

Then I started to process some things. 

The reiki session to me is like an inner work session, I observe and things sometimes pop up, then I take the chance to rewire and reprogram, with what little awareness and wisdom I have, and I cocreate with what is available on hand.

Like the sun was shining on me as I lay on the bed, so I asked the sun for help.

I was back again in my old house at the kitchen next to the dining table. Mommy sat on a chair backed by a wall and I was standing infront of her. In Primary 2 I was and I got 7th in position in class, when I was in Primary 1, I was top of the class.

Mommy chided me for slipping, she said daddy worked so hard for the family, and had to drive a taxi at night so I could have piano and ballet lessons.

She said that I had taken things for granted.

It was all so emotional and I am sure in that moment, the child in me made a decision to be the best whatever I did

That pushed me all the way so I always excelled.

But this morning, intuitively, I blew wind , huffed and puffed at that girl who had her head down infront of mommy.

What if I felt mommy and could emphathise without making those decisions that drove me into programs me later on?

Now I know, mommy wanted to be heard too! She’s got a love for dad and don’t want him to be worked so hard. She might not really be chiding me. But I interpreted it that way.

I saw the girl’s hair fluff up and her relief and smile.

I felt ready to attempt at another and I saw myself infront of the bed where my father lay after his spinal operation. I saw the blanket again. But intuitively, I blew away her fear, I saw her hair fly up in a whiff. And it felt better all of a sudden.

Then time went to seeing my father in my old house.

He converted the storeroom into a study room so he could do his stuff

It was stuffy because there are no windows, there’s a certain smell  the sum total of the furniture, the stationery, the yellow background black polka dot plastic dustbin 

Just this morning, I realised I have sensed my father doesnt work like any other father—— at a young age

He has a funny occupation

When I was bigger, and when we shifted house, sometimes father worked in his room, I would use his desk to do my homework and revised for my exams, so ah ha I must have picked up all his feelings along the way

Then I remember him also, in another room, he would switch the air con on, and a light but the room would be slightly dark

What was he doing?

I sensed that is was something that needs to be hidden, 

something that cannot be exposed to light

I guessed I worried for him and feared for him, is something going to happen to him? Then what do we do?

There’s also a sense of righteousness in the child in me, that what he is pursuing might not be correct.

There’s a guilt of knowing something but having to hide it because that is father

And a sense of shame that there is something not so right somewhere and why is he doing it. But what can I do? He’s doing it for the livelihood of the family

What a struggle that has been for my young age that young girl?

So this morning, just this morning, I discovered and uncovered this other layer of fear that I didnt know I had carried with me and that of survival instincts I experienced as I kid. The guilt and shame.

Wow.

What a lot of work in there.

I pictured myself in front of me and I want to blow away all of these emotions which have been unconsciously stored into my body,

I blew at my head and saw it move front and back

I blew at my heart 

my front torso, my abdomen, my pelvic area my legs 

Felt like something was thwarted and released.

Then I continued to lay and observe whatever was happening.

Energy continued to work on me.

And I just lay like a handphone on a charger stand, I couldnt really move

Lots of energy coming through into my body through my neck and downwards

I didnt even use my hands today

I just observed

Then playfully and experimentally, I held my hands above my tummy, just wanting to feel the energy and I saw my hands moving further away then away from my body, as if finding out where that ends…

I kept still for a while longer then said my thanks before using my crystal .

I wrote om on my keloid and tummy area.

What a discovery! And, history has it all. All the answers and the information or inspirations to let us step forward.

Go back to go forward