I spoke out once more

This time for myself.

And there’s a difference. I have so many strong emotions in me . A lot of things I have tried to compromise but when I lashed out—— I realize I can’t.

There are things in life we just can’t allow.

So don’t ever think of letting it through. It won’t help in the long run.

And today I lashed it all out———ALL that has crossed my mind voices out from my heart heard by my body

The effect on my body heart and mind

The disappointment with him with marriage even with myself at times

My regret

All that I cannot accept and don’t ever want to repeat again such that when Huaihao fell and he had to pick himself up. And he would be showing only his anger to us and not any tangible help is given to soothe to support or to help. As little as how he could have helped me with laundry rather than leaving the machine to beep while i was attending to the kids, and he could go on watching tv or retreat into his room.

Then I realized the intensity.

I have been trying to suck it all up too much for my own good

We are already repeating our parents’ in a way. The way he escapes into his own space and leaving me to it all.

I didn’t know I have so much anger

But it was so good I let it all out

How silly

So good

Imagine what it could have done if I kept it

No more keeping next time TPY. Not for the kids.

I didn’t think my mother his mother would have lashed it out at their husbands

But I did. I pointed out all the love that has gone wrong all the hurt that has been done all the things that can be done

I said to him that he wouldn’t know how much energy how much wisdom how much energy I use to cultivate myself

Just to steer away from our parents experience

And I work so hard because I do not want to repeat or follow their footsteps

I want to see to it that a painful beginning or past will blossom into a flower to beauty if we have the sensibility and consciousness to steer it towards positivity

And really really because I know I HAVE THE POWER AND CAN CHANGE THINGS FOR THE BETTER SO THAT MY KIDS WILL NOT HAVE TO GO THROUGH WHAT I HAVE

I HAVE THE POWER

And what about you? What do you not like in your life? What is it in your life that can change for the better ?

GO, DO IT