“Its been hard on you”

I heard myself when my hands are at my heart.

“Its been hard on you”

I heard at the stomach.

How much have you stomach? And you are still at it TPY? Do you not know any other way? Its been hard on you.

At my big keloid, I continued to breathe in. I saw the dancing northern lights. And instantly I was back at the point when survival was a question. I didnt expect myself to be in those shoes in modern SIngapore. I have a good education, decent upbringing, I have a scholarship, I m in a course I like and I have a job waiting for me.

What could go wrong?

I was angry because I have to shoulder the responsibility and to pick up pieces for all the things I did not do. I was angry for behaving properly and doing all that I have done well, and yet I have to face broken situations like these.

And I chose to be responsible.

So even as I was picking up the pieces, I was also angry in ways more than one.

And almost as suddenly, that feeling of sunkenness, heaviness, frustration, bitterness, anger, stress came up , upwards towards the left and landed in my heart and shoulder area. Was that why my left shoulder hurt?

And now what do I do with this?

These feelings that have come up? I ask?

Observe TPY

Open up a space for them and observe.

See them, hear them

Be with them.  

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Now I know why I saw the Yohji Yamamoto piece. He was angry too, but he found a way out.

What would be my way?

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Interestingly, Stephan shared his experience reiki-ing me from afar.

yesterday night I had a most vivid and fabulous journey as I started to work on your navel. Suddenly out of nowhere a powerful vortex rose out of your navel and grew so fast, that before I could do anything I was sucked in the vortex and slowly descended into your navel. As I was descending I looked a your lower and upper keloid and saw how they very so nicely aligned with the pancreas and navel on the Ren (conception vessel) meridian.

Fascinated I asked myself is she doing microorbital breathing?

Never got an answer, as I was already inside you in a huge cave which was full of perfect purple and shining crystals.

In the middle of this enormous cave, upon a ground of pure white crystals, was a big capsule. At time totally black at times transparent. I tried to open it, but it did not budge. However there was a light being inside which had your eyes and facial features. As I looked up, I was no longer in a cave but under the sky full of stars. And then Beethoven’s sinfonie “Götterfunken” (Ode to Joy) blasted through space…Filling me with this overpowering emotion…As it ended, I was back on the navel!

What a journey…thank you Pin Yen

Now I remember, looking out and upwards from your navel. It all pointed to the heart.
As if saying, listen to your heart, what is it whispering to you?

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Then I looked back at my notes this morning, my heart says, “Its been hard on you.”