I love all the undoing unwinding and going back 

I couldn’t imagine going back once, now I can. There seemed to be so many hidden stories I didnt know then

I showered and did the shower gel anticlockwise again

Shortly after I saw how beautiful it was when sunlight lit up the water

The water was falling and gently hitting on my abdomen area and they reflected all the colors of sunlight out

How beautiful, luminous sparks flying out from my body

How joyful !

How wonderful to be here at this moment and not rushing out for work or be in a train ——somewhere else!!!

How grateful just to experience this!

And what next my ever efficient mind probed

Then I thought- don’t try to hard——-Don’t force it out

Let it be 

Let be

And I came to the kitchen to hang clothes

And there and then the thought popped up——- isn’t it already such a gift to witness and experience that shower? That beauty?

I can’t help but be led by my mind to the time when I shared the same room with the Dalai lama or meeting Khadro-la or all the magic that has happened

Aren’t they enough?

They covered all the painful incidences all the pain I am carrying but with so much silence, so much grace and positivity with so so much light so so much love and compassion

And all the incredible talents all the teachers I have met

All the support from the divine

Am I even thankful for these?

Are these not enough?

Stop digging things out of a molehill tpy

Stop making a fuss or brewing a storm out of the teacup

I reread my last post of 2019 and I wrote:”As I looked out of the window and admired the fireworks, the others asleep, I realise that nothing can not be let go, and it would be silly not to let go, or to continue grasping. Because just being here to witness this moment, is THE most important thing and the best thing one can have.

I learned to look at the big picture and not sweat the small stuff. Life taught me how to let go of the little things, teaching me to expand and broaden my views, my inner being.

…

Stopping to get a hold of myself, my family, my kids, my husband, my life and—time.

I want to be in the moment, to live, and not just pass time by. I want to take the time.”

Take time i did, now when I walk, i train myself to be aware of how I tread. 

And I have so many things to train/retrain myself, how important can the past be? in the face of all these important things I am picking up?

I told teacher about all these pockets of magic , it was as if I had visited incredible magical lands—- I remembered how it was reading Enid Blyton’a <The Magic Faraway Tree>and there would be different lands up the ladder of the tree.

All these magical episodes I popped into, they touch me so much! how much love joy and peace they bring me! So much so that I can and want to bring magic back into my life and to use them in my work 

And after a while, when I revisit my work, I would be rescued back by all the magic

And teacher says I have many pockets.

“ I am certain . It’s not about confidence that you will heal yourself find a way our of this. And after that you will help a lot of people. Because you are radiating, you have incredible internal strength as a woman. You are distinguished highly intelligent highly aware and you are so pure. You have a beautiful heart. And you have the gift of expression. 

And good nature emotions are extremely important. You have been working so closely with them.” 

After self reiki:

I saw Stephan’s message. I had shown him a selection of my video works,

“Good Morning Pin Yen.

Impressive and moving, they have opened their hearts to you! And it’s all there. Extraordinary work.

After reading and watching the video, and our sessions,  you have shown me the issue we are looking for.”

What is the issue?

I asked.

I started looking at Daniel Boulud’s video, he said “Every night I was working for everyone else other than myself….its the…family”

“There is no hurry to become a great chef…”

These are me

I looked at Passard’s video, “One cook Two Lives”. Its as though…no, my second life is blossoming now.  Now I know why I gave it that title.

He said all his has achieve are because of his ten fingers, he said his hands are his most precious, …he taught me about appreciating ourselves, 

He says 20 years on he still is trying to understand the decision he made —and this gave me the answer I was looking for. I was impatient too, I wanted to know so badly and to sort out the kinks, but listening to him…. he is still sorting out 20 years later.

I have spent 20 years, and is sorting out.

But why does he looks o beautiful? why does his eyes shine his skin glow pinkish…baby like? when he talks his body and hands move, and that made me want to move along. Why?

Because of the energy of purity and truth, the intention was that simple.

These are me as well.

And i got another answer.

These are the ways I can heal myself and gather strength whenever I need. These are the batteries my fuel .

I asked Stephan yesterday that if there’s jut one thing I can do to heal, what would it be? He couldn’t reply. But I know now.

To look back at my achievements and be extremely unabashedly proud of myself.

In Ishinomaki, Chi said, “Fear makes us afraid of moving on. Our fear makes us think we are only this small, we can only do this much or that we are not in the capacity to help someone or listen to someone. When I think of the people over there, I think about how I am going to make an impact on them, on their life also.”

“And if you trust that tomorrow will be better, it will be better. It’s the perspective. Conversely, if you keep worrying, everything will not turn well. Worry really is paying interest that is not due.”